10:48am, Saturday morning and I'm at workie...

Hey All,
I've been a little out of touch this last two weeks, since I've been busy at work and with my new beau. Yah, my new boyfriend is great! I've been dating an Egyptian born guy names Fady (said like like fade-y). We haven't been together too long, but its been fun & we both really like each other. He is a Christian and he is very nice & respectful. For our one week anniversary he came over with a bunch of roses & made me dinner (it was yummy!!).
Work has been going good, I'm still waiting to hear back about the full-time position. I'm hoping this will work out soon & I can get the paperwork started (since it takes like 8 months for anything to be finalized around here). I am thinking about coming to Jax this weekend with Fady to visit Eve and Jen & Pat. We might just meet Evey-Q half-way for dinner or something. I really want her and Fady to meet each other, I've told him that Eve is very much like me and that she is someone who is very important to me so he needs to meet her. And I also, of course, want the sister low-down of her opinion of him....hehe.
Well, I miss & love all of you, I hope to be coming up soon for a visit. I don't work next weekend (8/5-/8/6), would any of you like to get together for a pool party or dinner? Let me know what all of your weekend plans are. Love you all!

-P

*Yawn*

Mmmmm....,
Gosh, why am I up so early (5:48am)?? I think I need to see a doctor, because I truly cannot control the amount of sleep that I receive on a nightly basis. I also often have trouble clearing my mind to be able to actually fall asleep. I dunno, its weird. Its kinda like my body & mind are on opposite tracks. Actually, maybe thats not right, because I often am just not tired (physically or psychologically). I can stay up for days a time and will have more energy than some people around me (and no, I dont really drink coffee).
Well, enough about sleep patterns. My waking patterns have been just as active recently. I was out of town this previous weekend, helping out a deppressed friend in need. It went ok, though Im not sure I really did much good or had much impact. Ah well, at least I was there, that says something.
Ive been working A LOT of hours recently, I made an arrangement with my boss to start coming in earlier. Ive also applied for a FT position with my company, that way I would be eligible for benefits & such. So, these have been some good (exhausting) prospects.
Well, off to toss & turn in bed, hopefully it will lead to some sleep.

Love you all.
-P

Good Morning-

Good Morning All,
I had a really good Friday, and received lots of good news. First, I found out that one of my sisters has had several suitors expressing interest in her, which totally thrills us both!
Secondly, I had my review at my job and got a lot of flattering feedback, which made me feel a lot better about my position there (I have been looking for new job prospects in G-ville & Jax.). Basically my boss told me that she was pretty impressed by my speed & accuracy in the lab, and was glad that I have never been late or had any issues with the position or co-workers, etc. But more importantly, at the end of our review I told her that I was happy at my job, but that I really was interested in working more hours (since I was hired on as PT). She about jumped out of her seat. Basically my boss isn't really supposed to be working in the lab, she is just the lab manager, not technically a specimen analyzer -so she's not really to be working on the floor. So, essentially I will be coming in earlier and will be completely relieving her of having to be in the lab, so she can concentrate on other things. And I'm totally happy, because now I'm essentially going to be working FT hours!! Yah!
This jointly agreeable situation will help me be able to actually be able to live above and beyond paycheck to paycheck! What a financial relief, especially being that I had started searching for other positions with more hours (of course in Gville it was slim pickin's)! I will be able to pay my bills and have more than $20 left over, sweeeeet! And this will help me dig myself out of my financial hole and be able to really start to pay off some long standing debts. All of this is as I said, an incredible relief.
Ok, third, I am going home to see the family this weekend and I'm really looking forward to catching up with everyone and celebrating all of these wonderful people I am blessed to be related to (and their birthday's!). I love that my parents & siblings all truly love and appreciate one another's' company. There is no bad blood (or bad relationships) in my (immediate) family. That is a wonderful thing to be able to say and admit with pure honesty. I feel bad for families that have members or situations that have been ostracized by whatever familial stuff and cant talk, console, or confide in/with each other. Family is one of life's simplest and most fulfilling pleasures. I learn so much from my family members, and I have experienced true acceptance by these people that at times I have wronged more than I even know.

-I learned about forgiveness and the re-birth of relationships with/from my both of my amazing parents. And similarly, the very important value of relationships. The situations that they have braved & conquered would make some others crumble, but they kept on treading (often barely able to tread water), and have always kept their relationship as central and I think that had a lot to do with the successes of our family. I often comment to people about how much I love my parents relationship and interaction. Their constant communication (about everything under the sun & then some), affection, patience, and love, is so cute and its the model I use for my ideal relationship traits.

-My Mom has taught me about beauty, appreciation of nature, and being comfortable in most situations. Her strength, intelligence, and patience amazes me. From her I inherited my love of gardening and the knack for it. I also love her great resourcefulness. Oh, and my Mom has taught me the artful skill of creating a yummy meal out of hardly anything!
-My Dad has taught me eccentricity, how to shrimp, and humbleness. His battles with depression & other personal demons make me know strength and personal perseverance (although I know at times he wouldn't agree with me!, that's ok). I love and so appreciate my Dad's many sacrifices for our family. He has stolen food for us when we had none, even though it was something that he did not feel good about or think was right. But he has always taken care of us and been able to provide (same for my Mom too).
-My oldest sister has taught me about uninhibited love and fun. We have also both cultivated and shared some very honest, raw conversation and have both learned so much about the other with open eyes and open hearts. I love her craziness, her uniqueness, and her sense of humor.
-My older brother helped my developing music tastes and has taught me that no matter what your situation or background if you have drive and intelligence you can accomplish anything you want. Also, his general kindness & unselfishness towards all is incredibly admirable. (And of course I love his dorkiness~)
-My older, middle sister has taught me about silliness & deep seriousness. She has shared some of my darkest times with me and has always been there waiting on the otherside with open arms. She has shown me love and respect when I didn't have any for myself and has never held anything against me (though all of this could be said for any of my family members). I feel that when I'm with her, I don't have any of my own self-perceived faults. She is so creative and caring, her passion for travel and more importantly life, inspires me. She is such an optimist that its contagious.


Ok gosh, didn't mean for this to become an essay on family. Ah well, it happens.
Love you all, I will see you all later on...
-P

Happy Friday!

Good Morning All,
It's Friday again, and this weekend is 'The Great Cowart Birthday Cookout Celebration (2006)'!! I'm excited to make the trip up to see everyone, because it's always nice to be able to reconnect with the fams.

I had a kinda weird experience over the past few weeks. I live in a low income neighborhood ('le ghetto'), and since its summer lots of the kids are aloof and wandering around playing wherever they can without getting into trouble. -I had been gardening a few days ago, and doing some major re-planting 'till I got a call and needed to go inside to take it. When I came back outside I found this neighborhood kid (who I hadn't previously met) pouring concentrated fertilizer on my succulents! Now that isn't such a big deal except it kinda weirded me out that this stranger kid was about to be killing off all my plants (since the concentrated fertilizer has to be added to water & diluted)....Well, I immediately asked him to stop and explained why. I wasn't mad or anything just kinda weirded out. He then just kinda stood around on the (small) porch not saying anything. I figured that he must feel strange, since little kids are kinda strange or awkward to begin with...(heh, j/k) having an adult type person catch him on their porch. After a little while of silence I asked him if he was interested in doing some gardening and introduced myself. We had some sporadic conversation as I showed him how to plant seeds and told him some of the history of my porch container garden. He seemed mildly interested, and after half an hour or so, he felt more comfortable and asked more questions about the plants and such. I was all too happy to explain wayyyy more than he was really asking for. I guess I was trying to conjure up some interest in science & plants in him, or at least some conversation. I gave him several little pots with seeds and gave him specific instructions on how to maintain either a container or outside garden. I was trying to keep it simple and interesting, but his feigned interest really made me unsure of how I was doing (like if I was draggin on or being too technical).
Anyways (that whole dragging on thing...heh), he started coming around everyday or every other day, and would come like 4-5 times a day banging, and I mean banging not knocking on my door to ask for things -more seeds, pots, soil, cat food, or change. Well, I was a little annoyed at his knocking style, or lack thereof (because I sleep during the day), but I just let it go. -I don't usually get annoyed with kids, because I like & want to be patient and accepting. You never know what someone is or has gone through, and I like to keep that in mind when dealing with kids, and anyone really.
Well, he started bringing friends over to my porch and they would hang out when I was away at work or sleeping during the day. I then basically discovered that some things were missing from my porch and they were directly planting related. That really freaked me out. I suddenly didn't trust this stranger little kid anymore. I understand being strange in childhood, but him stealing things from my porch and bring people over when I wasn't home and then coming over and asking Gete & I for change was really the final straw. I felt slightly violated & sad, and was imagining the worst; little kids all bomb-rushing my porch and taking my valuable (only to me) plants! I decided that to be comfortable in my own space and to protect my meager porch possessions that I needed to be direct and confront him, which really kinda made me uncomfortable.
So I did and it was interesting. I simply told him that I knew that several things were missing, and that I didn't want them back & I wasn't upset about that, but more that after extending kindness that he would come back and take things without permission. I also mentioned that he wouldn't like if I took something from his room/house, etc. I made sure that I asked him if he understood where I was coming from and also I reinforced that I wasn't tryin to be mean or nasty, more that I was just disappointed in him. His reaction gave away how he felt, he immediately put his head down, offered to return the pots & soil, etc, and seemed truly upset with being confronted with it. I felt bad just looking at him!
I told him he was welcome to come around when I was home and to please (out of respect) not take my things without permission. I also told him that I still wanted to hear how his garden was going and that I wanted to know about his new kittens. I tried to let him know that he was still welcome, within reason.
Since then Gete & I have had a few random children coming over asking for change & kitten food, etc. I barely have enough kitty food or change for myself, and I'm not trying to run a children's house, so I have to kindly decline (honestly I'm usually broke & my kitty eats special PH food, which I unfortunately really cant afford to share). This really makes me feel bad, because if I had the money or resources I wouldn't care about giving it away, to children, the homeless, or others. I am of the mindset that once I decide to give money away I don't care what its used for. I've given money to people that I knew where going to go get drunk or whatnot, because I could tell it was important to them, and I wasn't going to hold that against them. If I lived on the street, I might want to drown my harsh daily reality with drink too. Once it has left my hands, and I have made the informed decision to donate it I just let it go and give it away (mentally).
I once thought that I would always want to have bread & change or ones on me at all times. The change or ones for homeless people or others in need who asked or simply needed it, and the bread to feed birds (or really in dire situations the homeless or needy people), but I figured at least I would always have something on me to give. This hasn't always worked out, I have been hitting financial rock-bottom recently from not being employed & just trying to get everything back on track, and have had to use/keep any change or otherwise for my household, which includes bread money. But one day I think I would like to work something out like this. Maybe keeping some change & simple canned foods on me in my car or something to that effect, or maybe like a situational preparedness kit.


Hmmmmmm......Something to think about.
Much love to all, Hope you all have a great Friday & I look forward to seeing you on Sunday!!
-P

Some neat quotes from other people, because I dont have much to say!

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
-Dale Carnegie

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.
-Unknown

One who condones evils is just as guilty as the one who perpetrates it.
-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.
-Martha Graham

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.
-Frederick Douglass

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.
-Robert Southey

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
-Antoine de SaintExupery

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.
-Unknown

Think not forever of yourselves, O Chiefs, nor of your own generation. Think of continuing generations of our families, think of our grandchildren and of those yet unborn, whose faces are coming from beneath the ground.
-Peacemaker

The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.
-Richard M. Nixon


The Long Boat, By STANLEY KUNITZ

When his boat snapped loose
from its mooring, under
the screaking of the gulls,
he tried at first to wave
to his dear ones on shore,
but in the rolling fog
they had already lost their faces.
Too tired even to choose
between jumping and calling,
somehow he felt absolved and free
of his burdens, those mottoes
stamped on his name-tag:
conscience, ambition, and all
that caring.
He was content to lie down
with the family ghosts
in the slop of his cradle,
buffeted by the storm,
endlessly drifting.
Peace! Peace!
To be rocked by the Infinite!
As if it didn't matter
which way was home;
as if he didn't know
he loved the earth so much
he wanted to stay forever.

gosh-

Looking over my previous posts, Im stating to think that maybe my blog should be titled Rabbit in a Hole...heh.

Love you all,
-P

copy of email....

A copy of an email Ive sent the family::

Hi All,
This email is being sent to you all to find out exactly what your opinions are on my situation. I am seriously thinking of the moving back to Jax. plan. I think that may be what I need to do. I have started to apply to a few places there tentatively based on my possible moving. I would like to know what you all think about this and what you think from your perspectives would be the best thing for me.
I really appreciate all the help everyone has given me, financial and otherwise. You guys have helped me survive and for that I'm really humbly indebted. I know I sound serious, but this is stuff that has been weighing so heavily on my mind, and I feel like I'm close to being out of options, so I take it pretty seriously. I'm not trying to jerk everyone around here, with my indecisiveness, its just that things aren't really working out here and I wanted to know what you all though about my coming back. Please respond at your convenience, nothing pressing, just wanted to check with you all and get some other opinions. Thanks everybody. I love you all, hope you are all doing good, and I missed you guys on Sunday (again, another happy Mother's Day wish to a wonderful mom!). Hope everyone has a great week. Hope to see you all soon.

Much love,
-Patti

Good Morning-

Hi All,
I had a good weekend in J-ville this weekend. Spent most of Saturday with Mom, Dad, & Evey-Q. We had a really good lunch at the Chinese buffet (yummers!) and then just chilled at M&D's, it was a good relaxing time. E-Q and I then just went back to her house, ordered pizza and watched videos for the rest of the night -Till I passed out heavily on the sofa. I needed that, I was pooped...Though, a problem was that I woke up around 3:00am, and then couldn't get back to sleep for the life of me...Ugh. I hate when that happens, and I feel like I cant control my own body. I sat around, tried to watch some TV (which was hard cause E-Q doesn't have cable, and her rabbit-ear antenna's don't really get good reception), all I have to say is INFOMERCIAL!>>
I was thinking about going for a drive or something, but I decided I shouldn't waste my gas. So, at around 4:45am I woke E-Q up and told her I was thinking about leaving and that since I will be in town next weekend, could we reschedule our library plans, we didn't really have much planned for the day. She didn't seem to mind too bad, but I hate to change plans like that on someone (luvs you, forgive me dear!).

E-Q and I actually had the most fun I've ever had in a drive through going to Dairy Queen at 11pm!! We had a ball. I had E-Q laughing so hard she couldn't order or drive...heh. It was great and made me appreciate my sis that much more....We laughed ourselves silly and I really enjoyed myself (E-Q: dont forget the P-nut shortage!!)!

My drive back was good, there was really no traffic going in my direction, and it was a beautiful night to be driving. I was ultra observant, so as to not squish any bunnies or anything.

Well, another great weekend with the family and I'm looking forward to the next one coming up. It will be Mother's Day and I think we will all plan something special to show our great, wonderful, intelligent, great gardening, beautiful mother how much we appreciate her (and love her tons)!! Sorry to dip out so soon this weekend, but I will definitely see you all on the coming weekend. I love you all, and I hope everyone has a great week...!